When the Collar Feels Like a Curse

Why fewer choices may bring you closer to the peace you crave.

I realise that title might make you think I’m talking about Dan and accreditation / ordination woes… but no, you’ll be relieved to hear that this is not a church leadership rant but rather, a reflection on my pup’s rather tragic little plight this past week of enduring ‘the collar of shame’ post surgery.

Binx in full collar sadness.

Watching him try try navigate life as a cone-head—with that awkward collar restricting and limiting his movement—is, at times, pretty darn funny. But underneath the humour, I sense his deep frustration. He can’t scratch his ears. His attempts to sniff out delicious smells along the fence in the garden end abruptly, giving him whiplash from going in too hard and getting knocked back by the cumbersome collar.

He keeps bumping into walls and furniture, then stands there bewildered, as if wondering why life suddenly feels so much harder than it did a week ago.

But I know what he doesn’t. Without the collar, he’d lick and reopen his wound, delay healing, and cause himself more damage. As I watched him crash about in his little world, it made me wonder: what’s my collar?

Crashing into Things

Maybe you know the feeling. You’re not doing anything “wrong” yet life feels clumsy and awkward. You crash into conversations, crash into confusion, crash into the best of intentions and somehow it all goes horribly sideways.

Maybe the “collar” for you looks like:

• A closed door you were desperate to walk through

• A waiting season when everyone else seems to be making progress and moving forward

• A boundary God has drawn—like saying no to something that looks good but isn’t for this season

• A weakness or limitation that feels like it’s holding you back and you can’t shake it, you just crash into it again, and again, and again.

These things frustrate us because they restrict us.

We “crash” into disappointments, misunderstandings, awkward moments, missed opportunities. We glance sideways at others moving freely while we’re stuck manoeuvring around an invisible obstacle.

But what if the very thing we’re resenting is the thing that’s actually protecting us?

David wrote, “Surely, LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.” (Psalm 5:12 NIV).

God’s favour doesn’t always feel like open doors. Sometimes it feels like bumping into walls He’s placed there on purpose. Because let’s face it, the collar doesn’t make life easier. It doesn’t stop the crashing, in many ways it heightens our awareness of all the things we can’t do. But it’s serving a purpose greater than the initial discomfort. It’s stopping us from licking wounds that still need to close. It prevents us from interfering with a healing only God can complete.

Fun fact about the original Hebrew for “surround” in this verse—it carries layers of meaning beyond what we usually think. Yes, it can mean to encircle, but also to crown or adorn.

• What if the God-given “cone of restriction” we sometimes find placed over our heads isn’t a mark of shame or limitation at all, but a form of divine crowning?

• What if the very thing that feels clumsy, confining, or frustrating is actually meant to encircle us with favour, protection, and care?

In fact, a more literal sense of the word used for “favour” hints at delight. So in fact, our perceived restrictions might actually be God’s way of delighting in us, keeping us safe, and teaching us to move carefully and wisely while He completes His work within us.

Take Courage

And so the solution isn’t to wriggle free prematurely. It’s to stay close to the Father—the One who knows when it’s safe to take the collar off, and when it’s necessary to wear it.

When Binx first had the cone on, he literally froze. The restriction paralysed him and he refused to move. But now, a week and a half in, he’s learnt how to navigate doorways, climb steps, and even sniff the smells in the garden without too much trouble. What once felt unbearable has become a strange kind of safety.

In fact, he’s started coming to me after collar-free breaks, nudging me as if to say, put it back on. Why? Because he’s learned that collar time means freedom—he gets to explore the garden, take in its smells and delights, all while staying protected.

And maybe that’s what God is doing with you. What feels like restriction may actually be the condition for real freedom. What looks like limitation may be the very mercy keeping you safe while He heals what you can’t yet see.

So if life feels clumsy, if you’re weary of bumping into walls you don’t understand—don’t mistake the collar for punishment. It’s protection. It’s not a denial of your future but a safeguard for your healing in the present. Your heavenly Father isn’t trying to hold you back. He’s holding you close. And when the time comes—when the wound is strong enough and the season is right—He’ll be the first to lift the collar off and let you run again.

Until then, take courage. The very frustration you feel is evidence of His care. He loves you too much to let you lick your wounds raw. He’s teaching you to trust Him, to move with Him, to discover that even in restriction, His presence can be your freedom.

Father, thank You for the boundaries You’ve placed in my life, even the ones I don’t like. Help me see Your protection in my limitations and trust You in the times I feel clumsy or held back. Amen.

Let’s chat and grow together:

Where in your life right now might what feels like a restriction actually be God’s protection?

What helps you trust God when you feel like you keep bumping into walls?

I pray you sense His nearness in the very places that feel most restrictive right now,

Em 💛

PS – A Special Invitation for the Ladies!

If today’s reflection on simplicity and focus has resonated with you, I’d love to invite you to our Established Conference 2026. The theme is TH1NG – One Thing, and together we’ll be exploring what it means to live with undivided hearts and clear focus in a world of noise and distraction.

Our early bird tickets are now available until the end of September. After that, the price will increase. This will be a gathering of women hungry for God’s presence, and I would love to see you there.

I’ll be speaking alongside my fellow Substack friend

Jo Hargreaves

and Becky Murray, Founder of international charity One by One. It promises to be a powerful time of worship, teaching, and encounter.

Click below to secure your early bird ticket now.

Until then, may you find the joy of hearing God’s voice more clearly as you make space for the one thing that matters most.