When Motherhood Breaks Your Heart (And You Can't Fix It)
A raw confession for mums who feel inadequate, and the hope found in letting go.
Hey there, fellow mum.
I don't often write just for us, probably because I've never felt like a 'natural' mother, and I also don’t believe that growing and going in our love for God needs to be siphoned into categories. However, today it’s my Mumma heart that’s breaking, and so here we are.
Confession time: the stay-at-home mum life? Not my jam. I've done it, sure, but it felt like a sacrifice, and honestly, I wasn't the best version of myself cooped up at home with the kids.
Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids! But I'm more of a “fly my babies, be freeee…” kind of mum. Nothing brings me greater joy than seeing them branch out, try new things, and fly the nest. That's my happy place. No tears from me on those first school days; just pure pride as they confidently marched into their classrooms.
But then, life throws a curveball, and something happens that hurts them—something I can't magically fix. That?
That cuts deep.
School placement letters came out today, and my youngest didn't get into the school we were hoping for. The one that felt like a warm hug when we visited, with its peaceful vibe and faith-based atmosphere. Her brothers go to the other school she was offered, and, well, let's just say one of them described it as looking like a prison—and, honestly, they weren’t wrong.
We really wanted that other school because this past year has been a whirlwind. Moving from New Zealand to the UK has been a huge cultural shift for her, moreso than the rest of the family. She spent her early years in NZ, so she's more Kiwi than Brit. Plus, she's young for her school year here, and UK kids are just… different. It breaks my heart to hear her call a supposed friend a “frenemy”—a word that wasn't even in her vocabulary before. Thanks a bunch, England! She was really counting on a fresh start at this new school, away from all the frenemy drama.
So, here's the thing:
Today, I'm just plain sad for my girl. And that’s okay. Sad that I can't shield her from these tough experiences, from cultural confusion and disruptive disappointments.
So I took my sadness to Jesus.
I admitted I felt totally overwhelmed and inadequate.
I shared my frustration of all she’s lost this past year.
I acknowledged my limitations and leaned on Him.
You know that ache in your chest when your kid hurts and you can't fix it? It's a universal mum feeling. You're definitely not alone in feeling that way. It's that desperate desire to make everything better, right?
And when you feel like your strength is gone, that's when grace steps in. You've already done the most important thing by naming it, being honest and real and raw, and taking it to Jesus. That's where real strength starts.
Because, newsflash: we are not the heroes of our children’s lives. Jesus is.
Here's a little encouragement:
Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." God sees your heart breaking for your child. He's right there with you.
Isaiah 41:10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." You're not alone. God promises to be your strength.
Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Let yourself rest in Him. Let go of the need to fix everything.
2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Your feelings of weakness aren't a failure; they're an opportunity for God's power to shine.
Here's the hope we can cling to:
Even though we can't change the school situation (or whatever situation your child is facing), we can be their safe places. Our love, our listening ears, and our prayers are more powerful than we might think.
God has a plan, even when we can't see it. This disappointment might teach our children (and us, kicking and screaming!) resilience and draw them closer to Him.
Let's remember all the strength we've already shown. For us, moving countries, supporting our kids, seeking God—that's huge. Celebrate the obedience that has got you this far!
Our kids will learn that they can find strength and hope, even when things aren't perfect. We're showing them how.
God's love is greater.
Let's take a deep breath, mammas. We're not alone. Let's lean on God, trust His plan, and know that HE IS IN CONTROL, so we don’t have to be.
And in that knowledge, let's release the relentless pressure to be perfect, to have all the answers, to fix every problem. Let's step away from the overwhelming striving and simply be present, be loving, and be held by grace.
We can rest in the assurance that God's got this, and we, as mothers, can find peace in His perfect control.
Amen?